


Roy Earle and His Special Someone

by PaulsLemons



Category: L.A. Noire
Genre: I APOLOGIZE, I Wrote This In School, IM CRYIGn, M/M, My first fanfic on this site, Threesome - M/M/M, cole phelps is roy's bitch, i love la noire sm, im dyign inside, im sorry, jack kelso dies, no effort was put into this lmao, oh no, phelps doesn't know what cherries are, roy earle actually does it, roy earle is fucking gay damnit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-04-30 05:31:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 2,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14489862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaulsLemons/pseuds/PaulsLemons
Summary: Roy Earle loves his special someone, but wonders if they actually love him back.





	1. Special Someone

**Author's Note:**

> i finally got an account on this damn site
> 
> @ person i gifted this to you should know who this is ;))))
> 
> i mean you see me everywhere dont you lmao

Roy stared out the window of his apartment. He sighed as he turned away from it. He made his way to his room gingerly, loving the sweet tranquility of his apartment room. However, he knew he wasn't alone, for somebody was with him. Once he arrived at his bedroom, he went inside it. He smirked a little as he saw that special someone who was with him laid out on the bed. He climbed onto his bed, and laid down next to that someone, elevating himself on his elbows. He ran the tips of his fingers along their exposed chest. He felt how soft it was, and he loved every moment of it. He just stared into their beautiful blue eyes.

He enjoyed spending time with his lover, and he knew that he'd never grow bored with them around. He'd buy them flowers and candy, and whatever else he assumed they'd love. They meant a lot to him, and he'd protect them for the rest of his life. He couldn't live without his special someone.

His body pillow of his partner, Cole Phelps.

Roy had made it himself. He used a candid photo he'd taken of his partner as a reference, just so he could remember what his partner looked like. Phelps was on the body pillow, of course, with his chest exposed and his pants off. He only wore his boxers and an unbuttoned white collared shirt. His face was red, and he had a look of pure lust in his eyes.

Earle always hid the pillow in his apartment, he never took it anywhere with him. It was his prized possession, and the only thing he loved with all of his heart. Sure, he loved the real Cole with all of his heart, but he loved the pillow even more. He knew he'd never be able to have the real Phelps, but he knew he'd be able to have a pillow with him on it. The pillow was about the same height as Roy.

The chocolates Roy had bought the pillow were stale, and the flowers he bought for it were wilted. He didn't care, as long as Body Pillow Phelps didn't say anything about it.

That's the nickname he gave it: Body Pillow Phelps.

He thought the name was cute, and believed that the nickname fit his lover.

There had been times where his body pillow had almost been discovered. One time, Jack Kelso had come over to talk to Earle about something very important, and he almost found the body pillow, until Roy distracted him from nearly discovering it. Roy was relieved when it was never found.

Roy was intimate with the pillow as well, up to the point where whenever he'd push his palm into the fabric just to feel its softness, it'd make a squishing noise, and he loved the sound of it.

He loved Body Pillow Phelps, and he knew he would never give up on him for as long as he lived.


	2. Whomst the Fuck Killed Jack Kelso

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> whomst killed that wigga

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk what I’m doing anymore

There laid the lifeless body of Jack Kelso. Whomst was the wigga who killed Jack? Phelps and Earle were about to find out.

“Alright well he’s obviously dead.” said Earle as he felt the sexual tension between him and Phelps.

“How very observant you are.” Phelps said.

“Whomst killed him?” asked Ralph Dunn, the most forgotten character.

Why doesn’t anyone appreciate Ralph he’s a fucking pure af cinnamon roll come on guys

“I don’t know.” said Cole.

“Fucking Golden Boy you fucking ho, figure this shit out.” said Earle as the sexual tension grew.

“Stfu” abbreviated Cole as he bent down to investigate Jack’s body. Roy had to resist the urge to pull down Cole’s pants and stick his 10 inch punisher into his anal cavity.

Then again he didn’t want to scar the pure af Ralph for life fuck

“Shit my wigga dead af” Cole said.

“Oh Jesus.” Roy said.

“Whomst the fuck murdered him tho” Cole hummed.

“Figure that shit out”

“Maybe he fuckin overdosed I mean think about it this bitch had the marijuanas all along this is a fucking theory of mine ok”

“Wtf are you talking about” asked Roy.

“We’ll figure this out...sometime. Rest in peace, Jackie.” Cole frowned, and he laid a blanket over Jack’s dead body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whomst the fuck killed everyone’s fav boy Jack Kelso?


	3. Do You Own a Body Pillow, Roy?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phelps pays Roy a visit after rumors are spread around the police station that Roy owns a body pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk what im writing anymore im ngl

Cole was busy phoning R&I, asking for Roy's address. That old hag told him where Roy lived, and so Cole drove over to where Roy lived. He exited his car, and entered the apartment. Roy resided in apartment two. Cole headed up the stairs, and finally made it. He knocked on the door, and Roy answered it. He blushed a little as he saw Phelps standing there. "Phelps, why're you here?" He asked.

"Ya see, I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Come in." e moved out of the way, and Cole entered the room. "Nice place you've got here."

"Thanks...anyway, what did you want to talk about?"

"I...I've been hearing rumors that you have a pillow with somebody from the LAPD on it."

Roy's eyes widened a little, and he had begun to sweat. "What?"

"Is that true?"

"No way! Why the hell would I own that? What do you think I am, gay?"

"Mind if I take a look around?"

"Go ahead, I have nothing to hide."

Phelps searched around the apartment, looking for the body pillow. He didn't find any body pillow. After his search, he told Roy that he guessed that the rumors were false, and he left the apartment. Roy was relieved, and he quickly went to his room and dug through his closet, and picked up the body pillow, hugging it tightly. "Oh Body Pillow Phelps, I love you..."


	4. Courtney Sheldon Busts a Nut

Roy came inside Body Pillow Phelps. He got off of the pillow and laid beside it, smoking a cigarette idfk

“Your insides feel so good.” He told the pillow, even if he couldn’t respond to him.

Just then, he heard noises outside his apartment door. He got dressed super fast like Sonic the Hedgehog, and went to investigate.

“Ah!” He heard a man gasp.

Roy smirked and put his ear up against the door.

The man did it again, and Roy quickly opened the door, and saw Sheldon busting a nut.

Sheldon finally managed to get the lid off the jar of peanut butter. “There we go. That hurt my hand.” He said.

“fUCK” Roy screeched.

“Oh, hey sir.” Sheldon smiled like a little angel (because he is and always will be).

“I thought you were beating your meat outside my door.”

“Beating my meat? What does that mean? There’s no meat here.” He threw the jar of peanut butter over his shoulder. Begone tHOT

Roy smirked, “Listen kiddo, it’s time for you to learn the birds and the bees, since your parents failed to teach you.”

“Bees like honey and birds eat worms.”

“No, not those birds and bees. THE birds and the bees.”

“Okay?”

Roy was about to drag Sheldon into his apartment, until Jack suddenly appeared. “California Fire and Life, motherfucker.” He said as he stabbed Roy in the arm with a sharpened candy cane. Jack then grabbed Courtney. “You ain’t taking my angel’s innocence away.” He then ran away with Courtney.

Roy took the candy cane out. “Damn son, I’m gonna get Jack back for that.”

Roy assembled the ultimate four: (Out of your friends, which are you?) Truck Freak, Crazy Ass, The Fighter and друг, and had them go after Kelso, but the Arson squad managed to get the fire nation in on it and World War III happened but then it ended quick. Kelso won I guess idk

r a d i c a l

Cole and Rusty were investigating some homicide case and it led them to some guy’s house and they were under the suspicion that he had killed his wife. Isn’t Cole supposed to be Roy’s partner?

“Where’s Mommy?” One girl asked Cole.

“You’ve got a mean face.” The other girl told Cole.

“Yeah well your mom’s fucking dead”

(During the case The White Shoe Slaying when you go to the Taraldsen residence, go up to the little girls while they’re sitting at the kitchen table while you’re supposed to be investigating and continuously press X and they talk to you like sassy little bitches I hate them tbh)

Anyway Roy was at The Blue Room and he snorted sOME FUKIN C O C A I N E

“That’s some good shit.” He said as he drank and smoked a cigarette btw taking illegal drugs while drinking and smoking is bad mmhm

Roy didn’t know what to do with his life. He and Body Pillow Phelps recently got engaged and was beginning to wonder if the pillow really loved him back. He looked up at the stage and saw Elsa there, singing. Suddenly, she pulled out a baby and held it up in the air, and started singing in the tune of The Circle of Life.

“I JUST GOT FUUUUUCKED  
AND I GAVE BIIIIRTTTTHH  
TO PHELPS’ BAAAAAABY”

Roy’s jaw dropped in shock. Everyone but him bowed to Queen Elsa as she shot snowflakes out of her hand.

Roy couldn’t believe what was happening. But he knew he had to kill Elsa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM CRYIGN


	5. Roy Kidnaps Elsa idfk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> self explanatory title bich

Roy drove to Elsa's apartment. He got out of his car and broke into her apartment room. "Sup bich I've come to kidnap you" he said

"why tho" asked Elsa

"because you stole my husbando away from me"

"wtf"

Roy tied Elsa up and kidnapped her lmao

He took her to his house, and threw her out the window. She died m8

Roy laughed evilly. He closed his window. He didn't care if he just committed a crime. He was happy that Elsa was dead. lol that bitch wouldn't steal his husbando ever again

Roy laid an egg as he sat down on his bed. He laid down on the bed, and fell asleep.

He woke up and realized the floor is lava, which is a dumbass trend and thank god no one does it anymore

Rusty broke into his house and literally kicked his ass what a prick

Herschel jumped off his roof and rode a unicorn across LA

What am I even writing I'm scared man idk what I'm doing pls help me

this chapter is a cry for help


	6. Roy Becomes a Stripper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> inspired by a drawing i made last night of a stripper roy

Roy held a job application in his hand. He knew what he was going to do. He was going to apply for a job as a stripper. And so he did. He literally applied for the job. He only worked at the strip club at night, though. Cop by day, stripper by night.

Roy thought that if he became a stripper, he could attract Cole, because he heard rumors that Cole came to the club every night.

Roy went to the club that night, and he started his job.

He literally spun around on a pole and stripped himself while people threw money at him what a ho

He spotted Cole entering the club. He spun faster and faster on the pole. Cole came up to the stage and threw money, not knowing it was Roy somehow.

wtf is this

After work, Roy went home. He couldn't believe he saw Cole at the club. The rumors were true omfg

Roy went to bed and wondered how he was going to keep two jobs when he worked at night at the LAPD

He cried himself to sleep that night and he realized he forgot to water his garden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Number 15: Burger king foot lettuce. The last thing you'd want in your Burger King burger is someone's foot fungus. But as it turns out, that might be what you get. A 4channer uploaded a photo anonymously to the site showcasing his feet in a plastic bin of lettuce. With the statement: "This is the lettuce you eat at Burger King." Admittedly, he had shoes on.
> 
> But that's even worse.
> 
> The post went live at 11:38 PM on July 16, and a mere 20 minutes later, the Burger King in question was alerted to the rogue employee. At least, I hope he's rogue. How did it happen? Well, the BK employee hadn't removed the Exif data from the uploaded photo, which suggested the culprit was somewhere in Mayfield Heights, Ohio. This was at 11:47. Three minutes later at 11:50, the Burger King branch address was posted with wishes of happy unemployment. 5 minutes later, the news station was contacted by another 4channer. And three minutes later, at 11:58, a link was posted: BK's "Tell us about us" online forum. The foot photo, otherwise known as exhibit A, was attached. Cleveland Scene Magazine contacted the BK in question the next day. When questioned, the breakfast shift manager said "Oh, I know who that is. He's getting fired." Mystery solved, by 4chan. Now we can all go back to eating our fast food in peace.


	7. Panty Collection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yaAAA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ya my dumbass is back whwhwhw

Roy literally just like fuckin broke his leg

but don't worry it got fixed

Roy drove down to Cole's house and knocked on the door. Cole answered. "What the fuck do you want?"

"Lemme bust a nut motherfucker"

"What?"

"You heard me."

Roy ran into his house and went to his kitchen, grabbing a peanut butter jar out of the cabinet and opening it. "OH YEAH" he then turned to Cole, "Anyway, I need you to help me with something."

"What?"

"Ya see, Bekowsky fucking stole my panty collection and so I gotta get it back from him, and since you and him are really good friends, I was thinking maybe you could fucking like uhh have him show you the panty collection he stole"

"Okay fuck"

"Alright bitch we're going to his house"

"Hey Bekowsky"

"Oh hi Cole yknow what"

"What"

"I stole xxxsnipermaster360xxx's panty collection and fuck"

"Lemme see that shit my man i gotta whoaoa"

"Fuck ok" Bekowsky showed him panty collection

"Yea whoa"

Roy broke down the door "fbi motherfucker" he said as he stole the panty collection

"Damn I'm the biggest virgin in LA" said Bekowsky as he hit that whip and nae nae


	8. Anime Disease

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roy becomes an anime character and does a lot of shit yknow

Roy dabbed on a house before jumping off of it, and he went into a local McDonald's, ordering a Big Mac. He got his food and went to go eat it, but then some random ass guy came over to him and said, "Skidaddle skidoodle you're now an anime boy, you noodle." Suddenly, Roy became an anime boy.

"tHE FUCK IS THIS" he slapped the man and destroyed that bitch

Roy ran out of the restaurant and deadass got hit by a car

but he was ok

he went to rusty's house "hey biotch tf you doin"

"do i know you" asked rusty but roy just kicked him across the face "its me roy earle ya dingus some cunt turned me into an anime boy"

"shit we gotta find the antidote"

so the two men left the house and went to herschel's house is that even how you spell his name i fucking forgot

"hey motherfucker" said rusty

"what bitch" herschel asked

"where's the antidote for my anime boy disease we know you have it" roy snarled like wild dog

"fuck you bitches you aint gettin this" like a ballerina, herschel danced away

"ugh! this so of a bitch is horrible" said rusty as he and roy followed the old ass dude

roy and rusty broke down a door and found herschel with an anime girl "holy shit herschel what the actual fuck" they said in unison

herschel vanished into thin air, and the door shut behind roy and rusty, locking itself

a tv suddenly turned on, and there was herschel with paint on his face his face was like snow-white with fucking red swirls on his cheeks lmao

"hey bitches i wanna play a game"

"what the fuck" roy said, hitting that despacito

"alright fuckers the antidote is hidden inside this anime girl's ass you gotta get that shit ha no pun intended you got 2 mins or else y'all stay a fuckin anime boy forever" the tv turned off and the lights came to life

that fucking anime girl was chained to the wall and then she was like "whOAAAAOAOA SENPAI HELP ME"

roy immediately went over to her and her ass vored his arm and then he got the antidote "got it bitch"

"fUCKIG INJECT THE SERUM YOUY GDUMB BITCH HOLYT FCUK"

roy injected it and turned back into a normal guy

roy and rusty broke down the door again and quickly left the house

roy then said "fuckin weird ass biotch with that anime girl holy fucking shit ha no pun intended"


	9. pee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what happened in the last chapter

Roy stepped out onto the balcony, sighing to himself. He had quite an adventure. He wondered if he was trapped in a fanfiction (you are dumbass)

Roy went back inside, slapping a monkey's ass.

Roy went to his bedroom, getting out his ballerina dress and doing dances

sorry that's his fetish stfu don't judge him

Cole came in, "hi piss monkey"

"we live in a society" roy said, eating his ass

"oh cool man"

"i ate bekowsky"

"oh shit pee"

"vore me phelps, vore me."

"vore threesome" cole ate roy

"yes" roy said as he was digested

what the fuck even is this sorry i haven't updated in so long oh my fucking god


	10. its 2019 wtf

Roy got out of bed and fucking died yaaa

**Author's Note:**

> I'm actually going to make more chapters of this if anyone wants me to
> 
> also be aware that uh chapters i write are short af so i apologize lmao


End file.
